What I feel as a single, female occupational therapist approaching midlife

At the Alejandra Flower Garden in Cebu

Once there was a man who was dissatisfied with his inheritance. Believing that he deserved more than what was given to him, he sailed out of his hometown and ventured towards a distant province, known as “a land of aristocrats”. There he married a young woman who was also a descendant of a great family. He must have genuinely liked her for the person that she was to an extent for she was kind and beautiful. Moreover, she bore him children to whom he could have passed on a proud heritage. The problem was that his wife’s father lost their wealth during the war. She had nothing to add to his estate. 

So even what he had gained through her was not enough! In the pursuit of riches and pleasure, he wasted his inheritance on failed businesses and concubines. He was chased away from his own land when he tried to return to it. When he finally lost it all and his body started to fail, he went back home to the wife of his youth. He spent the end of his days under her loving care in spite of all the times that he harmed his family. The true blessing in his life had been there all along. 

A Selfish Drive or a Godly Ambition?

These past few days, I couldn’t help but wonder, am I turning into this man? Am I becoming more involved in church and exploring more job prospects because I’m ungrateful for what I have? The truth is that I’ve been feeling lost lately. Many of the plans that I had for myself did not pan out. It’s my fault that I didn’t get into med school as I had hoped. As for the other dreams that I had? I had to let them go because I had to take on responsibilities that no one else could fulfill. I’m relieved that I did the right thing by putting my ambitions aside. But I wish my life had turned out differently. 

That’s why I’m wondering if all this talk about serving God, if all this talk about missions, is not really about Christ but my own pursuit for more. Or do I feel confused about what my path should be because I’m single? The advantage of being married, after all, is that having a husband and children will give you structure. 

Surely I must have sinful motivations at some level. But I also remember that I’ve always longed to be involved in missions as a child, way before I felt compelled to run in the rat race. I loved reading about different cultures! I also found great inspiration from the stories of missionaries even if no one required me to study their lives. Besides, I’m not trying to escape the challenges at work. I’m grateful for my great experience in occupational therapy (OT), and I want to be an OT clinician for as long as I can. Perhaps what I long for is to have a distinctive practice that is anchored in deeply-held convictions that I’ve mostly suppressed. 

Avoiding Extremes

Marriage certificate of my maternal great grandparents with the names of their dads and their moms

I’m not saying that I should be doing something grand to please God. After all, chasing big dreams could be a sign of immaturity, because it takes more discipline and integrity to be faithful in seemingly mundane duties. The Lord also does not need our extravagant programs to work mightily. He can do much with the little that we have. I see this truth in what He has accomplished through my great-great grandmothers, Emilia Marcelino and Juliana Molo. 

During the American colonial period, the Philippines already had religious freedom on paper. But according to the history book, A Clash of Cultures, reading and interpreting the Bible on your own at that time was still considered subversive, even a betrayal against Philippine culture. You could lose your job. You could be chased away from your home by powerful landlords or harassed by your neighbors. People might even kill you!

Yet Lola Emilia stood by her husband as they raised godly children, one of whom became a preacher. As for Lola Juliana, she opened her home to Bible studies that her children and grandchildren attended while they ate ice cream, a tradition I unconsciously continued during Bro. Pete Galvez’s doctrine classes! She also let pastors (colleagues of Lola Emilia’s preacher son) to get paid in exchange for doing language exchange with her grandkids to keep them proficient in Spanish, like her. 

What these two lolas did might sound simple. But during that time, the Gospel of Christ spread across the Philippines because of families like theirs that opened their homes to the preaching of God’s Word. Now, most of our people can read the Bible for themselves. Filipinos can now plant and sustain their own churches. It is my heritage that I am most proud of!

Now I’m NOT saying that we ladies should all just become housewives to have some value. How can I, when I don’t have romantic prospects myself? Rather, the lesson in all these old stories is that we ought to serve God in ways that are true to how He uniquely designed each of us out of our love for Jesus. Not based on society’s ideas of what success is or how much money we can amass for ourselves — but according to the gifts that He has given us that we must steward faithfully because we adore Him. For some, that will entail going to a distant land to proclaim Christ. Then there are those who are called to serve where home is. And God will surely bless them both. 

REFERENCE:

Maggay, M.P. (2011). A Clash of Cultures. Anvil Publishing, Inc.