The Honor Student Who Struggles in Life
- Maria Anya Paola P. Sanchez
- May 4
- 4 min read
Thank God, I survived March and April 2026. The beginning of the year 2025 was packed with activities for me, from patient care to occupational therapy-related side projects to ministry. It peaked in November 2025 because I was promoting an event on top of doing my day job, before flying to Thailand to attend my first ever international conference. But then March and April 2026 rolled in. It was a whirl of work that I’ve never seen since interning at the Philippine General Hospital! By the end of April, I found myself accomplishing fewer reports after clinic hours because I kept falling asleep.
The holidays gave me some time to reflect on why I’ve been pushing myself hard. I’ve concluded that I have both good and bad reasons for what I do. For one, I do love my work and the side projects related to it. Another compelling reason for me to hustle is that my family lost our generational wealth decades ago. Retiring to a banana plantation and spending the rest of my days dozing off on a hammock in the middle of a hacienda is no longer an option.
Not as Gifted as I Hoped to Be
I must admit though that some of my reasons for overworking are stemming from the bruised ego of an inner child who thought she was special because she was an honor student for the most part of her life. I constantly lose sleep over doing as much work as I can partly because I’m compensating for all the opportunities that I lost since I took on duties that no one else would. Attempting to fulfill those responsibilities often makes me feel like a failure.
When I was young, I had aspirations for myself that were of messianic proportions relative to my true abilities and personal situation. I was confident that I could accomplish them because I was “supposedly” part of the cream of the crop. I thought I’d be living in the West to take up graduate degrees on scholarships in some Times Top Ten University. Then I fancied that I’d be a highly sought-after specialist travelling around the world to speak at conferences about my great scientific breakthroughs and bestow healing upon people stricken with the vilest diseases in the remotest places on earth.
Well, none of that happened. I stayed behind here in the Philippines to work as an occupational therapist (OT) while struggling to finish my online graduate degree. Instead of globe-trotting, I spent much of my young adulthood going in and out of emergency departments and hospital rooms because of chronic illnesses that have stricken my family.
So I threw myself into whatever opportunity I still had, whether that may be in my career or in the ministry. The more people insulted me about being unfit to be a clinician, the more I pressed on with clinical work. That entailed being a frontliner at the height of the pandemic — which is what I did even if I was the only OT handling patients in the building.
Living to the Hilt
Thankfully, my mindset is not 100% self-centered, as I do have good reasons for chasing success. Despite my egoism, the Lord enables me to genuinely care about my patients. I want them to improve for their sake and He gives me the strength to apply myself at work for them, whether or not it gets appreciated.
Moreover, doing my best is my way of letting go of the image of myself that I long for but will never be. I used to ask the Lord, “Why did You close so many doors of opportunity for me? Don’t You want me to serve You the way all those missionaries pioneered hospitals and orphanages where people didn’t dare to go?” Then during the holy week, a friend and I studied John 1:27, wherein John the Baptist said that he was unworthy to tie Jesus’ sandals. Through that passage, the Lord reminded me that we do not deserve to do even the most menial of the most menial tasks for Him because of our sins. Hellfire is what we deserve, not employment at His service!
Yet because Jesus died on the cross for me, here I am: despite my flaws, I have the great privilege of serving persons with disabilities using skills that can only come from Him. Seeing them achieve their goals is a reminder of God’s grace towards me.
Wasted Opportunities
Many honor students wander aimlessly in life because they retreat from challenges in which they might fail. In their preoccupation with protecting the perfectly competent image of themselves, a lot miss out on how God can use them despite their weaknesses because of Who He is. They end up navel-gazing about beliefs that they impose on everyone even if they can barely apply their highfalutin theories! May God have mercy especially on the honor student who wastes his talents out of fear because he can live off his family’s banana plantation.
What a great self-realization and what a journey! Praise GOD! How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. Psalm 119:9 By the grace of GOD you still have many opportunities for serving The LORD and great things are yet to come anak. The solution to every problem and dilemma is CHRIST. 🥰